Why I like Harry...

The seventh and final Harry Potter went on sale today (or midnight to be precise). Of course, at 9:00AM, before workout and walk, I was in B & N with a dozen other people purchasing it. My younger daughter was #400 on line last night getting her copy. Blew off a Goo Goo Dolls concert with her sister and I to do so. I understood. It was Harry. And she's at the center of this Potter story.
I got divorced about 10 years ago. She was 6. I went from seeing my kids every day to wondering how to fit into their lives. Phone calls, yeah. Weekly visits. I went from living with and raising them to having to have something to do on those weekly visits. It was strange. Before I was part of things and now I was ....a visitor. Or at least that was the feeling I wanted to avoid.
So as the years passed we haltingly figured out how to do this divorced father/daughter thing. And Harry was at the center of it. When I found out that she was "hooked" on the Potter books (right around when the 2nd came out) I decided to start reading them. And when those conversational dead spots appeared, we talked of Harry. And laughed. And argued. And puzzled over meaning, and listed reasons why Harry should/shouldn't date Hermione, or why Ron should. Now, my daughter and I had a language. And that language branched out to other things. Middle school fears. Her ability to write and my encouraging and nurturing that talent. Her own growing trust in who she was becoming. I am very lucky. She 's an amazing young woman.
Thanks, Harry.

almost to 50

I'm almost at fifty posts. Who knew I had anything to say? Most days I doubt I do. I'm very happy doing what I do. I sat with a good friend in a bar this afternoon, just talking about things, the changes I'm making. We laughed. I like caring for something and watching it grow. He's excited to get started and I thought that that's the quality I'm after. People who realize the importance of what we do and feel compelled to the work.
I like my job. I'm good at it. Let's get started.

a quiet Sunday

I never wanted to do what I'm doing. I was having too much much fun in the classroom. But I was convinced to, I guess, and did the coursework. In my first admin course we went around the room answering why we were undertaking the journey, and when they got to me....I said I didn't know. That I wasn't sure I should be here. But life happens and here I am. Three years into it actually. Off probation. Ready to begin my 4th year in a school I started. More surehanded than I was three years ago. Happier. Calmer. The ground more solid. More sure of my role in the work. But not satisfied. Never satisfied.

I'm silly enough to believe it's about the kids. That's where the focus should be. When people hear where my school is they either roll their eyes or wince. It used to surprise me but then you get use to it. But my kids are just kids. Yeah, some are dealing with issues that one wouldn't want a child to deal with, but they're kids. I'm surprised that people don't see the simplicity in that. They need adults who'll listen and model alternative ways to deal with things. My school tries to do that in addition to course work. My consultant gave up lunch to walk my wildest child, who liked to read, to get a library card. My dean spends countless hours talking to children. Kids get to school early and sit in my office as I do the schedule, just talking. I encourage that kids own their actions, but that their actions don't define the person they could be. We're a teaching and modeling school. Is the work noble? Yes. Are we noble? No. We're people with a calling. The kids matter.

We are not a teacher as "civil servant" school. I mock teachers who take that as their stance. It's inherently "anti-student." And philosophically unsupportable. You're there because the kids are there. Notice that? Kids = jobs. On a purely elementary level. On a greater level who looks at a 12 yr. old and says "it's not my problem?" What's the message? Who's problem is it? The kid who can't figure out an answer to begin with? But you came across as an adult with all the answers who won't share. Nice job there teach.

As Denis Miller used to say, "I could be wrong."

I'm many things. Sometimes arrogant. Basically compassionate. Always thinking. Not afraid. Open to second chances. A believer in hope. Aware of the possibilities of personal change. Someone attracted to laughter. A believer in hard work. Verbal. Willing to learn. Open to it. Energized by it. A dad.....boss....colleague. Able to poke fun at myself. Moody. Sometimes too set in my ways. Someone who looks in the mirror when things go wrong. And hands credit to everyone else when they go right. I understand my role. And there isn't a false bone in my body. But I don't always tell the truth. I live in a complex world. I navigate. You may view the world as black and white but my world contains a lot of gray. I like duality. I have flaws (lord do I). I want to understand the big picture.I'm not an innocent. Far from it. I'm an adult. But enough about me.

My dad used to sit at the table in the same place everyday. His "corner." At 11 or 12PM I would watch him take off his chain carrying the praying hands charm (an alcoholics prayer..."God grant me...") and a cross with Jesus' head in the middle. He kissed them and placed them in his corner. I would....sleeping in the living room....watch this ritual. I never asked about it. Never wanted to know. But somehow I knew it was important to him. In the morning he had his coffee and put the chain back on. Maybe I should have asked him. But one didn't ask my dad much. One was told. It provided a certain order to the universe. Besides I couldnt figure out how to use what I saw to piss him off. So this past fathers day my mom gave me the chain with the charms as a "fathers" day gift. She wants me to wear them. I dunno. I've been testdriving them but I'm not sure I feel quite comfortable. They were his. And his isn't me.

How do you remain unjaded? Unaffected by stereotypes. How do you remain hopeful? Open to change and growth? I think it comes down to what you're willing to accept. I struggle so much with this. How to maintain your beliefs in a randomly assorting universe.

I don't have the answer. Yet...

Summer

I've been thinking a lot about the blog since my last post. I've had about 3 blogs before this one. Doesn't much matter. I like this blog. I liked the others as well. I've decided that I want to continue blogging .....but under my terms. Which means that I write about whatever occurs to me. If you have a problem with that, if you don't like the blog, if you don't like what I'm writing, that all isn't on me. Understand? Do what you need too, the people who need to know.........know. I'm not an innocent.
I work hard to appear natural. It isn't an act. It's me doing what I need to. There's a larger, or greater, good at play here. Namely a school community that I've been building. Slowly. We're about to enter year 4. I have plans. The pieces come together slowly. The work is hard. But at its core, it's simple, namely, how do the kids benefit?
I've been talking with my older daughter. It got around to how long I would do this job. During the year I felt maybe a year or three. And I do want to relocate to Vegas. But my daughter, in conversation, said "you can go 5 Dad." And I agreed. I can. I have people I want to get in place. It'll take time.
I have that.