the state of things....

I am many things. Chiefly a romantic. Yes...hard to believe, I know. I've been known to cry at AT&T commercials. Ya know, "call your mother." Those. It's the side of me that believes in regeneration. In second chances. In the possibility of a person changing. In anything remotely hopeful. In the existence of good. Within each of us. It's the part of me that doesn't allow me to have a shorthand to relate to people with. It's also the part of me that sometimes infuriates people. Because they'd like simpler, more direct approaches. You know, "people don't change, make a decision." Sorry, it isn't that easy. My father changed radically. I've changed radically. Change is possible. What language can I use that can get that person there?
I don't use language easily. I use it well. But never easily. I will use it to manipulate. But, believe it or not, your choice, for what I conceive to be the greater good. There's an element of trust that one must have running through this narrative.
But I'm also a pragmatist. It's the part of me that let's me turn from your troubles and not give it another thought. It's the part of me that sometimes doesn't look away from my computer as you talk to me. I make a lot of decisions. I balance a lot of factors. I'm not asking for understanding. I do what I do.
One of the things I ask myself is "can I effect change?" Positive change. Through sideways leadership. If yes, then I try. If not, well.....

Here and there...

So many interesting things happening. Barack elected. Gas prices dropping. But many more negative things occurring. The market. The wars. Fear. I really believe that in a randomly assorting universe we're motivated by only two impulses -- either love or fear. Both are choices we make. So many things...so quiuckly....assaulting our senses. Our tendency is to -- I think -- numb ourselves to what we experiencing so that we can manage it and get through the day. But when that happens to me I have to keep reminding myself that I'm missing the point. The point isn't to get through the day, or to feel numb to survive. I believe we live to avoid being numb. Hurt. Pain Joy. Happiness. Disappointment. Frustration. Elation. Those feelings make us alive. We have to experience them. It's why we're here. The numbness, the deadness inside we feel as a response to life hurts us. At that point we've chosen fear. I won't chose fear. I'll keep choosing to experience, to feel. Even if I don't know just yet what those feelings mean, or where they're taking me.