this and that

I need to get back to Ireland. I can't put it into words....I don't have anyone I want to take....I'd go alone....It's just this voice that keeps resonanting.....whispering.....I wanna tramp around Dublin...go to the peninsula and Kinsale...this summer...there's a full moon tonight......so bright.....I'm also going back to Vegas....spend time with my sister...the other big part of my life is school.....My job came with probation...I come off it this July 1st...three years...I still remember the first phone call I made when I learned I got the job....I have some initiatives I'm moving forward...we're not quite there....I think what I've learned is to be less forgiving in a sense....I need people who are willing to work in the field every day...so I pull the plug quicker.....hold people more accountable....it is what it is....

It's ok not to know...

I bought a claddagh ring when I was in Ireland last April. Then I bought an Indian quartz(??) ring when I was at Red Rocks (vegas) in July. Red Rock is one of the most singularly beautiful places I've seen. My sister says she goes there on the anniversary of my other sisters passing and just reads and talks to her. When she told me I thought, "how lucky." But the rings. I don't know why I bought them. I'm not a ring person. I'm a bracelet person. I wear all types. Beaded. Silver. Thread. Weaved. Yellow (livestrong). 2 or 3 at a time. I don't know why. Some have meaning. Some I won't wear again. Some had meaning but no longer do. Some I won't take off. In fact, I'm looking for another. To celebrate the contract we just got. As for the rings, I wear the one I got at Red Rocks more. Better memories.

this and that.....in a universe that assorts randomly

Today was a slow saturday. Errands, cleaning the apartment. I am a swiffer addict. I meant to go for a walk but never got there. Never got to the beach either. Ah well. I did begin setting up vacation plans. August should be busy.
I'm gonna take a week of Fridays throughout the summer....then visit my sister in Vegas with one or both of my girls for a week....and then hit Ireland. Alone. I found a website devoted to Irish baseball today which was kinda neat. I want to spend a week in and around Dublin. Having been there last year I kinda can't wait to get back.
I have to go out for a bit but I want to be home for Denis Leary's series at midnight. I like flawed characters struggling.
Like myself.

the universe may assort randomly...but sometimes that leaves me little to say...

It's not like I haven't posted lately. I have. It's just that the next morning I would wake up and delete it. I don't know why. The posts were honest....forthright.....and without guile...but something rang false with them. Or they didn't read right. Actually....it was getting kinda frustrating....I would write at night and delete in the morning. And this may sound self-indulgent but realize that hopefully it isn't.....I don't like just throwing some crap up on the posting board. Things are pretty good here.....my school is going well...my daughters are good.....we have a contract....I'm starting to plan a trip to see my sister this summer with my daughter.....so why do I keep writing and deleting?? It's a funny universe....

The universe may assort randomly but I'm left with random thoughts

I'm advanced relationship work. I'm not easy. I'm complex. I don't fit into nice little boxes. I will infuriate one moment and endear the next. With little rhyme or reason. But I have a plan....always I have a plan. And I may, or may not,let you in on it. See? Infuriating. Why can't I just settle? Accept. Be this geniunely nice guy people tell me I am. I am by the way. Exist in a relationship. Something within me always seems to get in the way. My search. For what? Understanding? The need to test. A need to just not accept. Here's the key.....no one has been able to see this and just flow with it. If someone did I think I'd roll over and let you rub my belly....lol.......I miss my sister. She is so amazing. If she's gonna stay in Vegas I'm gonna have go out there for good eventually....we went through our quality review this week. It went well. I'm proud of my people. They have such heart for kids. And learning. My bottom line for my school is would I let my own kids attend it without rigging their schedule? I would. We have much work to do but with the new classrooms and the dedicated science lab I've been able to get and my staff's growth....we are so close to where I want to be......

In a randomly assorting universe some random thoughts..

I've been battling this Noreaster all day as my front window resembles a faucet stuck on open. Against a backdrop of the NBA. I'm fast losing my grip on pro sports. It isn't that the players don't appear to care....but rather that I'm losing interest. As I said earlier this is a "this and that" column. I try to live ethically and morally -- as I think many of us do....so there's nothing special there. I'm also a Virgo which means simply, that I don't really need you to correct me since I've already done it myself but you can join the chorus if you want. I want to relocate to Vegas in three years. But not as an administrator. As a teacher. My sister is there already and I love the Red Rocks area and the area in general. We'll see. I've tried to teach a class this year but my job keeps getting in the way. I miss teaching. So much laugher. I like what I do.....but

Relationships...

Hmmm.....I don't believe the hype. Of relationships. Everything is always terrific that first year as everyone is on their best behavior. Then things start to factor in, and you've seen good moods and bad, and the reality starts to set in. Do I want to be here for the next 20 years with....him.....her??? And you begin to prepare exit speeches. But there's this tiny little part of you....that you've kept hidden from everyone, even if you're married, and within that tiny little space a voice goes..."you messed up." "This was your chance." "You broke through and established something here." "Please don't mess it up." "Again." But the split happens anyway. And the voice happens anyway. And you are left, like the person who arrives at the bus stop out of breath and as the bus doors close in your face, on an empty street. That's when you learn what type of person you are. When you know deep in your heart that you blew it and there's these pieces of you scattered all over the floor that you have to pick up. It's only happened to me once, with my marriage. But it was enough to caution me not to fall for the hype. Of relationships.

School and things and being tense

There are times when I guess I should be tense and I'm not. For instance, one of my daughters is kinda sick and they want to do this "miracle" drug. And even though everyone is assuring me it's the right path this is my baby. Or that at school we have our Quality Review next week and have been stressing and getting ready. Or that I haven't done my taxes yet. And none of it is really stressing me. It's like the U2 song, "there's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard." I know that at 7:55AM I'm going to open my school's door....and greet every kid that comes in. And smile. And that's me. The real me. Shaking hands....smiling good morning....banging fists. The secret of teaching is that kids renew you. Simple as that. If you're a teacher and you don't have compassion for your kids, don't believe that change is possible you're a civil servant into it for the vacation time. Yep, it's that simple. Teaching is a big tent. But teachers without heart and compassion and believe in the possibility of change aren't teachers. Sorry, you can't work for me. And my job is to take every wacko kids moment, every teachers flat tire, every request for paperwork, every budgeting moment, every explosion, every frustrating moment, and give it sanity. "there's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard."

#16

I said earlier I have a simple life. I do. It's pretty uncomplicated. My girls, work, family, friends. But what doesn't come across sometimes when I write or talk about it is that it is, and continues to be, a good life. One that I enjoy and look forward too. My work is simply amazing stuff. Also the stuff of headaches some days, but never do I wake up and not want to go to work. I lead a team that is creating something educationally that we all believe in and are proud to be a part of. My girls are simply the most amazing people. I try to remember to tell them that often. But it's a life. Often unpredictable. With its share of bad decisions and bruises. And loss. But its mine....and that's kinda okay.

#15

My life is pretty simple. My daughters, my job, some friends. I don't date or have a "significant" other. Nor do I want one. Choice. Been there, done that. Have a tee shirt commemorating the hype. I think there are some of us who are "relationship" people. Some couples are so seamless and appear to be in sync. lol...I don't know why. The logic of it eludes me. I am not be one of them. I was asked to leave after 20 years. Spent the night in my car alongside the BQE. And this isn't some "poor me" lament. I'm hard in a relationship.
One of my daughters is kinda sick. It weighs on you. I have two daughters. They are absolutely the best thing in my life. I depend on them and am so involved with them. If there's something I've done right, it's them. And my job is pretty cool too. I'm developing a school. A middle school. The work is endless. But I'm good at it.

#14

This time last year I was coming home from Ireland. My attraction for U2 nonwithstanding, I had always wanted to visit. The week was spent driving from bed and breakfast to bed and breakfast seeing the sights. Keilmore Abbey (spelling ??), Cliffs of Mohr, Galway, Bunratty, Dublin. An amazing week. I felt like I was home and want to go back as soon as I can. The last bed and breakfast was a horse farm that I stayed at in Dublin. So beautiful. I want to go back ....share the beauty, talk about inner moments, visit the peninsula I missed, spend time in Dublin, find someone who knows of Lunasa.

#13

I write out of a need to communicate. Definitely not out of a need to rationalize away actions taken, or make myself likeable, or re-write the truth. I believe we're connected, and that I can learn from someone as easily as they can learn from reading my blog. I can be wrong (and frequently am some would say). But I am willing to challenge myself. I worry not a whit about what anyone reading this might think. That's on you. My part is to get it right. And I realize that truth is relative. There's your truth, my truth, and the truth. I'm okay with my part in that equation. I'm a big boy, I can take my lumps.
I named this blog after Martin Luther. Not Martin Luther King Jr. -- although I admire each man. But Martin Luther, the 16th century German cleric who posted some complaints (95 theses, nepostism, indulgences, the moral weakness of the Church) about the Catholic Church to a church door and effectively shattered religious unity in Europe. I'm always admired personal bravery.Think of it. All of Europe catholic, effectively no other religion practiced, and this cleric wakes up one morning and goes...."ok...today's the day".....and effectively ends religious unity in Europe. For a personal belief. Who says one man doesn't matter. Not me. So NotesTackedToAWall kinda draws inspiration from, and honors that.
Deal with it.

#12

This space is my little Hyde Park Soapbox. I've been blogging for a while under different alias', etc. I like and believe in this way of communicating. I think I have something -- based on my life experiences -- to contribute to the mix. It isn't ego talking. I think, despite all the things that make the world technologically "smaller," we're actually more distant from eachother. And blogging represents an attempt at bridging our shared humanity. We are interconnected. So I will write about some searingly, and not so searingly, life experiences. And right about now, you're sitting there going "this guys ego is out of control" -- but it isn't. I'm not unique -- that's my point. But I am willing to share my outlook on certain things that are happening. Close your eyes....you're in London's Hyde Park on a Sunday morning. Individuals are speaking...ranting. Why? I don't presume to know. But maybe it's our humanity needing to connect. That's the point of this. Write, read, share. Or don't.

#11

You'll notice some new additions to the room. I didn't add them. Technologically, I'm a donut...lol. My sister -- bless her heart -- spent some time in an effort to "jazz" the place up. I thank her. I wanted to add Bono's "one" organization because I believe in the cause and admire the work he's doing. Crazy knighted Irishman. Can't call him "sir" but can call him "your demigodness." Priceless. I was looking at my daughter's Ireland pics earlier and she took a photo of a sign that read, "god invented alcohol to keep the Irish from ruling the world." Made me chuckle....well....okay....laugh. We are pretty special. Anyway, more on the blog....Superman and Batman were easy choices. Each represents something seminal about our American consciousness. The reason for the ribbon for our troops and the 9/11 memorial are obvious. Seminal events that shape our world. I can still remember that day as clear as any. Being so glad that I got thru to one of the girls. Devising a plan to handle 600 parents that came to get their kids from the school I was at that day. So, I like the redecorated blog. It's my little Hyde Park soapbox to talk about what I want to in a universe that assorts randomly.

#10......the randomly assorting universe

I believe in a randomly assorting universe. Fervently. At bottom, that means we are faced with many timelines...a chance for our lifelines to go countless ways....and the choice we make determines which timeline is followed. But the universe assorts randomly. And we have a personal responsibility for those choices we make. It isn't our parents fault.....it isn't how we were raised -- what we got or didn't get...it isn't who did something to us....it is us. Our choices. Many possibilities. Timelines. Roll that around your tongue in a universe that assorts randomly based on our choices. We accept responsibility for our choices in a universe that assorts randomly. I hope. I try to. I've been bothered by shadows and ghosts recently. Doesn't change the responsibility for the choices -- just changes the timeline...and interestingly enough....I chose a different timeline...sometimes you just follow your gut and....while it expands (lol) ,,,,you chose the right timeline (teaching)...at that moment.