In the moment...

I left work early yesterday. Usually you have to jaws of life to get me out of there. But I felt terrible. I went to the doctor today and I have three distinct infections. Chest, eye, and sinus. I'm not a big take a pill for it but I now have sprays, etc. up the wazoo. And I still feel like shit. I watched my sister become a guinea (?) pig for Sloan with metaports in her neck and experimental drugs and nothing worked. It kinda jaundiced me on doctors. My daughter had to argue with me to go to the hospital when I had the stent put in.
I don't like doctors. For most of my life I've had more energy than anyone. Knock me down. I got back up. Emotionally. Personally. Job-wise. As Bono sang....."there;s nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard." Or, "I'm not broken but you can see the cracks." And that's okay. I do have cracks. I'm flawed. But I don't scare. And that's how I look at doctors. I don't put off my health but I don't run scared.
Lately though, that energy has waned. I don't know why. But it has. My kids, both personally and at school. can pump me up. I try to be with them as much as possible. It's why I do lunch duty, and loiter in the hallways.....they need to see me and I need to see them.
I'm just curious about the energy.