Jumping outta my skin

This is one of those entries that I kinda get out of the way of and it writes itself. But I own it. See, I value words like integrity, honesty, loyalty, heart, and strength. Can't forget that last one. Because I'm about to write the metaphorical equivalent of ripping off a layer of skin. Why? You ask. Because I want to live my life honestly.
And because, much like the Kevin Bacon game of a few years ago (by the bye he has a website where he turns badges into donations....pretty cool) I believe that we are all interconnected. And that one person's experiences -- if he/she is honest enough to talk about them -- can help another person. But also, from a purely selfish perspective, I need to write about this. Doing so will help me move along in my personal journey.
So, what's the deal? Very simply, I blow up relationships. Have done it every time. Not really proud of it, but it's what I do. We get close, we say words, I cause mayhem and fighting and we part. That's the timeline of it. Why? Because I'm afraid to let someone get close to me. Oh, I mean everything I'm telling you, but ultimately I can't let you get close to me. Why? Another good question. Fear. You pick. Fear of ultimately being rejected. Fear of not measuring up. Fear that if I showed you who I was, you'd hate it. And I'm not that bad a guy. Pretty average actually. Just someone who goes to work, tries to be involved with his kids. Definitely not special.
I want to live my life honestly. I believe we're all interconnected. Hit me with your "go back to rehab/therapy" comments....call me a liar.....but as you read the words....they hit home somewhere.....and that's ok