I make a big deal about being honest with myself. I sometimes bandy it about like a self-righteous sword. So let me be honest....about smoking. I've smoked for 38 yrs. In all that time, I've quit for 9 days. My older sister, who I just posted about, died from lung cancer. I've had a heart attack. I was smoking a week later. Want honesty? I lost I relationship with someone because of smoking. Who gives up someone who for a cigarette? I did.
I'm not proud of any of this. Not in any way or form. But its the truth. I promised each of my daughters I would quit. When burying my sister, I made a silent promise to quit. I promised a women I was involved with I would. Through it all I reached for a cigarette. I've tried the patch. Hypnotism. Pills. Cold turkey.Acupuncture. Chantix.
Been there. Done that. Failed every time. I sat and watched my dad waste away to nothing because he couldn't put a cigarette down.
I have no excuses. But I do demand honesty. About myself. Hence, the post.
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This blog is about whatever occurs to me. No topic is safe. I enjoy writing. I know some things but am always learning. I have this desire to question and understand what I do. It doesn't make me special...just that I wanna know. I hope you enjoy reading it...but that isn't necessary.
Why I Write...
this wasn't always
my passion. i used to
arch round balls towards
raised hoops on
dirty concrete pavement
till I grew and had
to steady a weary,
alcoholic father who
called me nice "boy"
through yellow teeth
while moms muttered
"not again" in the
background and blue-eyed
blond haired Matt came in
a moment of their
reconciliation and i wanted
to show that i
wasn't crazy and
could do things.
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1 comment:
You can't get much more honest than that.....now the only question is When??
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